


High Tide

by LittleSixx



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Remus Lupin, Boys Kissing, Gay Sirius Black, Hogwarts, Kissing, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSixx/pseuds/LittleSixx
Summary: Seventh Year, and Remus has fallen in love with his best friend.“It makes me feel empty, is all. The further away the moon is, the more part of me hurts for it.”“Maybe we should call this ‘low tide,’ then.”"Extremely low tide."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	High Tide

**Author's Note:**

> I had to end a friendship today, and it was so incredibly toxic I didn't realize until it was over. Instead of coping, I wanted to try my hand at a new ship and just give them a happy moment. I've never written Wolfstar before so ... I just gave it a go.

Remus stared up at the dormitory ceiling and widened his eyes, counting how many seconds he could go without a blink.

Eighteen.

During the winter months when the moon didn’t shine as bright, it felt like part of him was missing. There was a hole inside his chest threatening to swallow him if he let it. Remus took a deep breath in and held it, closing his eyes and trying to think of happier times. James tripping over himself last year when Lily finally agreed to go out with him. Peter finally getting the choir solo he’d spent three years practicing for. Sirius ...

_Sirius._

Sirius placing a gentle hand on Remus’s shoulder.

Sirius laughing at one of his own jokes.

The way Sirius looked at brooms like he’d rather set them on fire than levitate more than a metre off the ground.

“Look, Moony, the truth is that my feet belong on the ground. Hell, Padfoot has _four_ feet that belong on the ground. The sky is for birds. My parents always said my head’s always been in the clouds anyhow, but my heart has always been on my sleeve. Then again, they say a lot of hippogriff shit ...”

Remus couldn’t say when it happened, exactly, but he’d fallen in love with Sirius Black. It was the worst possible thing, honestly, because his mum would love it. She loved Sirius and his penchant for fancy jumpers. Even more than that, Remus knew she always feared his condition made him unlovable. But Remus _knew_ he was unlovable. His best friends had been by his side for over six years, but that was hardly a lifetime. In less than a year, they would leave Hogwarts and who the bloody hell knew where life would take them afterward?

That’s why Remus almost let himself drift away ...

“OI!” A voice shouted from the doorway. “Thought I might find you up here.”

Remus groaned. Of course he would show up now. _Of course he would._ Because the world was never so kind enough to give him more than a minute’s peace. He heard Sirius move to the foot of his bed and wondered if he just kept his breathing steady enough ...

“I know you’re not asleep.”

Remus shrugged and asked, “Why’re you looking for me?”

“Because you skipped breakfast _and_ lunch. Making me suffer James and Peter by myself? That’s just cruel. Wormtail’s been fighting for a high note all morning and James was daydreaming about Lily the whole time, didn’t hear a bloody thing.”

“Pete will get there, but he should really practice in one of the bathrooms. Great acoustics.”

“You should tell him that!” insisted Sirius. “What the bloody hell are you doing moping about up here, anyhow? You’re dressed and everything, but you’re still here. In bed.”

Remus didn’t open his eyes, only offered a half-hearted, “Yup,” in reply.

Sirius softened his voice to ask, “Moon troubles?”

Remus nodded. 

“Yeah, moon troubles.”

He felt Sirius’s hand on his waist and prayed his cheeks didn’t turn pink.

“Budge up.”

Remus groaned, but obliged. He was weak for Sirius’s protestations, always had been. He opened his eyes and shifted to the left half of the bed while Sirius plopped dramatically onto the right. Sirius rolled onto his side and rested his head against his fist. Remus felt Sirius’s eyes boring into the side of his face.

“You look even paler than usual.”

Remus didn’t bother with a reply, just stared up at the ceiling with his eyes wide open.

Seventeen seconds.

Eventually Sirius asked, “What is it this time?”

“Nothing you would care about.”

“Sorry?” Sirius whacked him on the arm. “I care about everything that happens to you.”

“It’s just ...” Remus trailed off and groaned. “Moon troubles.”

“Why do I get the feeling ‘moon troubles’ means something different right now?”

“It makes me feel empty, is all. The further away the moon is, the more part of me hurts for it.”

“Maybe we should call this ‘low tide,’ then.” 

Remus laughed.

“Extremely low tide.”

“It’s alright now that I’m here to bring you back in.”

“How’re you going to do that?”

“I have a few ideas.”

“Oh, good God,” Remus chuckled, “please don’t tell me you’re going to lick my face. It’s weird enough when you’re a dog.”

“Yeah?” Sirius leaned treacherously close to Remus’s face. He should have known it was coming but didn’t turn away in time. “Is it?” Sirius asked before licking a stripe across Remus’s cheek. 

Remus tried to push Sirius away but he had a firm grip on Remus’s shoulders.

“GEROFF ME!”

“Mmmm ...” Sirius teased. “No.”

Remus looked up into his eyes and he knew that Sirius knew. Sirius _had_ to know ... God, when had it happened? He balled his hands into fists to keep from pushing the fringe out of Sirius’s eyes. His tie was undone and hung mostly off to the left side of his neck. 

“Your face is awfully red, Moony.”

“Right.” Remus swallowed thickly and didn’t like the teasing look in Sirius’s eyes. “It’s probably an allergic reaction to your saliva. Merlin only knows what the bloody hell has been in your mouth.”

“Yeah?” he asked. “Want to find out?”

Before Remus could reply, Sirius leaned down to kiss him.

Every time the full moon came ‘round, his joints ached and his bones tore themselves apart until he was something foreign, something _wrong_. This was the opposite. Remus’s entire body turned to jelly and for a moment it felt so incredibly right. Sirius pressed his fingertips against Remus’s cheek and it jolted him back to reality. 

This was nothing more than a joke to Sirius.

Remus pushed him away and grabbed a pillow.

“WHY.” _Whack_. “THE.” _Whack!_ “BLOODY!” _Whack!_ “HELL!” _Whack!_ “DID YOU DO THAT?!” He punctuated every word with a hit from the pillow. 

Sirius had his arms up to protect his face, and only brought them down when Remus tossed the pillow onto the floor. He sank his knees into the mattress and slumped forward.

“Why would you do that to me?”

Sirius frowned. He rubbed his wrist and stared shamefaced down at the bed.

“I thought you knew.”

“Thought I knew what?” asked Remus.

“Never mind,” grumbled Sirius, “‘s stupid. I was wrong. I just ... read you wrong.”

“What are you talking about? You can’t just walk up here and kiss me like that, not when I ... When I ...”

“When you what?”

“You can’t walk up here and kiss me like that just because you know I want you to!”

Sirius snapped, “Don’t say shit you don’t mean, Remus.”

He never used Remus’s name. It was always Moony or ‘my canine compatriot’ or Lupin if he felt particularly cross. Remus was stunned by the vitriol in his friend’s voice.

“The only reason I became a dog is because you’re a wolf and it was as close as I could get to you. I am always going to meet you where you are.”

“Ridiculous. You’re a protector and _that’s_ why you take the form of a dog.”

“And who do you think I want to protect?”

“James, obviously, since he’s your best mate. And Pete, because he can’t fend for himself.”

“And you can?”

Remus crossed his arms and let out a rush of breath through his teeth.

“Look, do you know why I left my parents’ house?”

Remus parroted, “‘Because they’re ridiculous Purebloods with outdated notions about how society should function.’ You’ve said it a thousand times since you left.”

Sirius revealed, “I told them I was in love with a Half-blood. They said that was unacceptable; I had to either not be in love with them or I had to leave. I’d sooner throw myself off the Astronomy Tower than try to convince myself I’m not in love with you.”

“Sorry?” Remus shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “I must’ve heard wrong. It sounded like you left your family behind because you’re in love with _me._ ”

“I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Remus snorted with laughter and Sirius whacked his shoulder.

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Well I don’t believe you.”

“Bloody hell, believe what you want, but it’s true. I’ve loved you for so long that it’s part of who I am, now. My name is Sirius, my favourite colour is purple, and the love of my life is Remus John Lupin.”

A new sort of ache began to pulse in his chest. Hope for something he knew to be impossible. Sirius meant his words, it was clear on his face, but believing them at that moment was no guarantee he would believe them ten years on. Five years on. With Sirius, every moment was a question mark. Remus shrugged it off and tried to ignore the angry hope tearing through his ribcage.

“Love of your life, eh? Big commitment considering your favourite colour changes all the time.”

“So do you.”

Remus turned his cheek and heard Sirius groan in an angry huff.

“Not like that. I only meant you keep growing as a person. And I do, too. As I get bigger, Padfoot gets bigger, so you and me grow together. I always want the two of us to be together.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Yes, it is! I am always with you, whether you’re Remus or not. I am _always_ going to be there!” There was a desperate ache in Sirius’s voice when he asked, “Why don’t you believe me?!”

“You don’t understand!” Frustrated tears fell down Remus’s cheeks. “On those nights under the full moon I’m not me! There’s no Remus left for you to care about! My soul isn’t there!”

“Then I’ll let you have mine.”

Something about the way Sirius said it made Remus believe it. He was rumpled head to toe, shaggy hair sticking up in a dozen antigodlin spikes, tie barely hanging on with the end somehow tucked inside his collar. His face was so desperate and broken, Remus saw his own emptiness reflected there and would do anything to light up Sirius’s eyes again.

So he leaned forward and kissed his best friend. Sirius didn’t believe it would last, snogging Remus like he was determined to memorize the feel of his lips before being let go for the last time. It was all so fast, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’s waist and Sirius cupped Remus’s face with his hands ...

_More._

_Deeper._

_Closer._

Remus pulled back just enough to look Sirius in the eyes and ask, “Would you believe me if I said I’m in love with you, too?”

Sirius shook his head and replied, “I’ll take some serious convincing.”

“ _How much_ convincing?”

“Dunno.” Sirius pressed their foreheads together and said, “A thousand kisses before I’ll know you love me.”

“Suppose I’d best get to work then,” Remus replied with a smile. He kissed Sirius quickly on the cheek. “One.” A slow, delicate touch of lips that was barely there. He was so scared of messing this up. “Two.”

“Are you happy now, Remus?”

“You’re holding me, so I am very, very happy.”

“D’you know what we should call this, then?”

“What’s that?”

“High tide.”

Remus laughed and mumbled a half-hearted, “Shut up.”

“Make me.”

Remus kissed him again and Sirius toppled them both onto the bed, where they collapsed into a fit of giggles. Remus gathered just enough breath to huff out,

“Th—that makes three!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. ❤️


End file.
